TYATT Classic: Photoshop, celebrities, and unsuspecting children (Via Shiantology.com)

There are few times in life where I am actually rendered speechless, but this may actually be one of those moments. Since my brain is still bouncing back from the mindfuck that is the video posted below, I will take a moment to show you the organic process behind TYATT posts. Just about an hour ago, I read about Fidel stepping down in Cuba. While viewing an image of young fidel, I instantly identified a certain “Shia” quality in the photo. Then, after posting the previous blog, FlashPhilly sent me the worst/best thing I have viewed in a long time. Now, I must address all of the “Shiantology” that goes along with this:

I immediately felt the need to learn everything about the so-called “Shiantology,” so I proceeded to the official website’s about me page. In their own words, “Shiantology” is:

“A new religion founded on Sunday, February 8, 2009 and characterized by a belief in the power of Shia’s spirit to clear itself of past painful experiences (in particular, hand smashing car crashes and drunken outbursts in Walgreens) through self-knowledge, spiritual fulfillment and copious amounts of Arizona Ice Tea.”

In order to completely blow your mind, please click here to look at the numerous blasphemous artistic works of iconoclasm. I really have to give this website credit—They have taken to the next level my own tasteless photoshops and created what is to me one of the more bizarre websites on the internetz. Keep it up Shiantology!

This reference of "striking out" is pretty clear, right?

Who will fill his shoes? Well I found one person that at least can fill his hat….

Style Twinsies

On a side note: I was looking at Perez’s blog post on Fidel’s resignation from his party’s leadership, and I noticed that Young Fidel looks eerily like one of the biggest letdowns in young Hollywood:

Shia- is that you?

Don't even get me started on this whole James Dean look...

Might as well make the poor kid a eunuch.

As many of you probably know, people all over the country are getting their panties in a bunch over a picture in the April J. Crew catalogue depicting a little boy with his toenails painted pink. YES. His TOENAILS are painted PINK. If you are actually shocked and horrified by that previous statement, please click out of my website and never come back again. My good friend over at FlashPhilly sent me an article on The Lookout detailing this fiasco, and here are some of the highlights:

“Yeah, well, it may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your ‘innocent’ pleasure,” Dr. Keith Ablow wrote in a Fox News op-ed. “If you have no problem with the J. Crew ad, how about one in which a little boy models a sundress? What could possibly be the problem with that?”

Well, Dr. Keith Ablow, here are some alternative costumes that I think are exactly what you are looking for. Think of this pink toenail polish as the gateway costume to years of psychotherapy. Here is what would actually disturb me in a J. Crew catalogue. How about a little boy in:

Description from Horror-Shop.com: This black latex mask could be used in a dominatrix's studio as well as in one of Clive Barker's Hellraiser movies or horror movie classics like Bogeyman, Saw or Hostel!

Pink toenail polish is still looking pretty awful, right?

At least little Jimmy is participating in organized sports.

Anonymous male friend. No, this photo is not flipped to a different angle. Although my eyesight might have been.

Note to self: Drinking 4 communal punch bowls between 3 people at the Hurricane Club is NEVER a good idea.

Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like chronicling the struggles of two escaped convicts in the woods on a snowy evening. (Images from Inventor Spot)

Usually gifts are supposed to symbolize how much a person (or cat) means to you. This is typically achieved by purchasing or making something that you know they will cherish and hold dear to their heart. However, this year, I have decided to only give gifts that are dear to me and that are usually neither cherished nor dear to a person (or cat’s) heart. Ask my sister about the fertility candle I made her last week.

Anyways, Walter Martin and Paloma Munoz have been selling these delightfully disturbing snow globes since 1993. They only cost $750. The following pictures were all over the internet in 2008 (I know, I am so 2000 and LATE), but I couldn’t help posting these with the eventual goal of finally getting ad revenue on my website, and after collecting coins from advertisers for hundereds of years, finally being able to buy one of these for my sister and cat. 

I should probably also mention that over the winter holidays this year, I made my very on creepy snow globe. I would love to know which snow globes you like better—the $750 professional globes, or the $5 globe I made as an ode to Human Centipede. I knew there was a market for this shit!

This human centipede is fetching the newspaper for its master.

Immortalized for all of time.

Enjoy:

Perfect for anniversary gifts.

My hat is off to you, fine sir.

Too soon for a dead baby joke?

Real friends help each other out with murder.

This brings back so many memories of my childhood. (Images via Ransom Notes)

Adam Wallacavage toes the line between the beautiful and the creepy in a way that makes me incredibly jealous. My ultimate goal in life is to be creepy just to the point of unacceptable, and weird just up to the point of uncomfortable. Adam not only accomplishes this, but he does so with such beauty that I actually want to own every single chandeleir shown here.

It is probably obvious to most of you that the items I post under the Guest Bedroom Series are (gasp) in jest! However, I am not in the least bit joking when I say that these will actually go in my nonexistent guest bedroom—master bedroom—and the living room.

If-god forbid-I ever have children, I am convincing them that if they look directly at this chandelier, they will immediately turn to stone. All in good fun! (Image via Ransom Notes)

Here are a few of my other favorite pieces by Adam Wallacavage from the website Ransom Notes:

The name of this photo is GramRabbit MotherPuncher. Enough said?

My imaginary angsty teenager would LOVE this.

There are too many amazing things going on in this image. Count them all in for the guest bedroom.

If you aren't feeling all warm and fuzzy looking at this, you probably don't have a soul. (All images via www.petitlapgiraffe.com)

Is anyone else nude right now with the thought of owning their very own mini giraffe? Because I know I am….This might be the finest piece of viral marketing since that whole “Smirnoff Ice” craze. The only thing more upsetting than finding out that there is no Santa (hope we don’t have any Pancakes for Lunch fans reading this) is finding out that these perfect little creatures exist only in the minds of the advertising execs for DIRECTV.

I will reupholster all of my couches in this silky sweet goodness just for my Petit Lap Giraffe.

Here is a little more you need to know about these tantalizing creatures:

“Petite Lap Giraffes are very funny animal that require special care. They need lots of love. Hugs and kisses every day. Otherwise they make tears.

If you have children, petite lap giraffes no problem. If child is loud, the giraffe will be shy, but does not bite. PLG’s are very clean. With training they will go in box like cats. Allergies never a problem.

Size: adult is 76 centimeters, baby is 15 centimeters tall. Weight is 4.5kg unless the giraffe is fat cow then 5.44kg

Diet: distilled water and bonsai tree leaves

Health problems: none. They are the best.

Grooming: a bubble bath once a week with purified water is all they need.

Room for one more in there?

The weird thing about this description of the Petit Lap Giraffe is that most of these things apply to me as well. I need lots of hugs and kisses every day. I too love being indoors in filtered air conditioning. In addition to similar musical tastes, my main goal at the moment is to sustain myself solely on distilled water and bonsai tree leaves. Anyways, enough about me.

Before you get too excited about owning one of these imaginary animals, this is the current state of the waitlist for your very on Petit Lap Giraffe:

I will now leave you with a little parting gift. Here is the link to the 24 hour camera where you can observe the best non-existant living thing of all time.

The new "artisanal small production craft beer" of the pencil world. (Image via Artisanal Pencil Sharpening Website)

Do you ever sit around at home, twirling your blunt No.2 pencil in your hands, wondering why you are so poor that you have to actually (cringe) SHARPEN IT YOURSELF? Well, if this is a frequent scenario in your obviously overstressed life, you may want to look into the service offered at the Artisanal Pencil Sharpening website. For only $17.00, pencil sharpener extraordinaire, Mr. David Rees, will sharpen the shit out of your favorite pencil until it is certifiably a dangerous object.

In case you were wondering if this is all a big practical joke, here is your answer, straight from the Artisanal Pencil Sharpening Website:

“IS THIS A JOKE? If you start a pencil-sharpening business, you can expect to hear this question a lot. The short answer? No, this is not a joke. You pay David Rees money and he sharpens your pencils. It actually happens.

If you think it’s a joke, why don’t you poke yourself with your newly sharpened pencil? Or better yet, don’t—because it’ll really hurt. In fact, every pencil David Rees sharpens is shipped with a signed and dated certificate authenticating that it is now a dangerous object.”

The precision of a serial killer? (Image via Artisanal Pencil Sharpening Website)

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the concept of a signed and dated certificate that confirms the dangerous nature of a seemingly harmless piece of wood, but it makes me wonder what the end-game is for the people buying these perfectly pointed wooden weapons. I would not be surprised if there is soon a rash of murders across the country (and potentially the EU/UK, but it costs $20 for them vs. the reasonable $17 for us, so probably not) where the poor victims are found with pencils sticking out of their bodies. Also, if I were the person actually committing these crimes, I would leave the signed certificate on top of the body just to point the detectives in the wrong direction. If I were you, David Rees, I would secure a good attorney NOW. Also, since there is a certificate confirming the potentially dangerous nature of these artisanal pencils, would a pencil attack be considered assault with a deadly weapon?